Advice: Do Not Eat Oysters

Friday 15th July 2016
6.30pm

Oysters. Never again.

I'm all for trying new food and delicacies. I've always been led to believe that delicacies meant delicious, unusual foods from a different culture or country and until today I believed correctly!

Oysters do not deserve to be called a delicacy. They are not delicious- they are the food of the sea devil and are there to trick you like evil mermaids.

Let me set the horror scene:
Our platter of 12 oysters arrives on a beautiful bed of salad leaves in varying shades of green, accented with the odd purple leaf and really setting off the shimmering texture of the oyster shells. I think to myself- 'oooh, pretty oysters! This would be a nice dish to have on a more regular basis- its so sophisticated!'

I watch with intent as my friends tuck in, like pros, and suck their oysters from their shells with expertise and ease. Then its my turn.

Im instructed to loosen the oyster from the shell with a spoon- first hurdle- and I'm sprayed by lemon water. I realise that this may be harder than it looks.

After minutes of prodding and scraping - I'm all set to go! I slowly raise the oyster to my mouth, excited to try something new, then gently start to tip it onto my tongue. At this moment I thought it was a but of an odd feeling and taste. Once I had committed to the oyster,  I realise it was an awful decision and one I couldn't take back! IT WAS RANK!!

Why do people enjoy these? I tasted like I'd licked the sea's belly button after a lemon body wash bath!!

I won't be eating these again!

Peace out, A town