Advice: Do Not Eat Oysters

Friday 15th July 2016
6.30pm

Oysters. Never again.

I'm all for trying new food and delicacies. I've always been led to believe that delicacies meant delicious, unusual foods from a different culture or country and until today I believed correctly!

Oysters do not deserve to be called a delicacy. They are not delicious- they are the food of the sea devil and are there to trick you like evil mermaids.

Let me set the horror scene:
Our platter of 12 oysters arrives on a beautiful bed of salad leaves in varying shades of green, accented with the odd purple leaf and really setting off the shimmering texture of the oyster shells. I think to myself- 'oooh, pretty oysters! This would be a nice dish to have on a more regular basis- its so sophisticated!'

I watch with intent as my friends tuck in, like pros, and suck their oysters from their shells with expertise and ease. Then its my turn.

Im instructed to loosen the oyster from the shell with a spoon- first hurdle- and I'm sprayed by lemon water. I realise that this may be harder than it looks.

After minutes of prodding and scraping - I'm all set to go! I slowly raise the oyster to my mouth, excited to try something new, then gently start to tip it onto my tongue. At this moment I thought it was a but of an odd feeling and taste. Once I had committed to the oyster,  I realise it was an awful decision and one I couldn't take back! IT WAS RANK!!

Why do people enjoy these? I tasted like I'd licked the sea's belly button after a lemon body wash bath!!

I won't be eating these again!

Peace out, A town

Stepping in dog poo is not lucky

Thursday 23rd February 2017

My work mates insistence that stepping in dog poo is lucky is a lie.

Monday morning, being the calamity that I am, I dramatically skidded along the pavement on dog or human poo. Since then I have had nothing but bad luck!

My Monday morning had started well- I made my train on time, no delays, got a seat, tube was quiet and then it's been downhill from there... One minute I was emailing on my phone- the next I was a flailing mess as I tried to not drop to the ground in a heap of faeces!!

The trainers came off and were wrapped in newspaper, put in a box and tied up in a bag until I had time to deal with them (it's Thursday and they are still wrapped up because I can't face the task of bleaching them clean!)

Tuesday- I smashed a mirror. We all know that supposedly gives you 7 years bad luck... So far it is most certainly true!

Wednesday gave me delays on the trains- pretty normally but I'm convinced it's because of poo and broken mirrors!

Now Thursday.

StormDoris is definitely on the bad luck bandwagon!! I thought I'd managed to shake the jinx when I got my train on time and got a seat...until I reached St Albans and Doris, the windy cow, had blown the overhead lines on the tracks and ruined everyone's commute.

Trying to make my way to Hatfield for another train line, I hit the good luck jackpot when an angel (Lynsey) offered myself and another Un/lucky commuter, aka Jenny, a lift to Hatfield... 3 hours later- I arrived at work.

Is this the start of 7 years bad luck?? Only time will tell...

Peace out, A town

Calamity Jane and Zombies

Monday 26th October 2015
9.13pm
I've had a wonderful afternoon with my hair and media students doing the makeup for Calamity Jane, it's been a flurry of colour and laughter as we've helped the cast prepare for their full dress rehearsal.

Then, leaving the singing and dancing behind, I find myself alone on the platform of Mill Hill Broadway. My 9pm train cancelled, I sit and wait til the next one at 9.28...

It's dark, it's quiet and I'm very much alone. Literally the only person on any of the platforms. That's when my imagination starts ticking.. I can hear it. Tick tock. Tick tock. It happens everytime.

I'm scared of the dark and I'm scared the zombie apocalypse will start whilst I'm alone!!

I probably wouldn't get the memo! Who would think to run down to the train tracks and tell me? My phone is dying and if it starts here, my friends and family at home wouldn't be able to tell me because they don't know because it hasn't got to them yet!

I start planning my survival strategies. The only provisions I have is half a bottle of water, two fake penguin bars and a beaten up graze box with lime and chilli nuts- at least it's a sauce of protein and the fake penguins will give me a sugar boost if I need to run! I probably need to ration the water though because if I get too thirsty I'll have to drink my wee like I saw Bear Grylls do and that didn't look very nice! Plus I'm dehydrated already so it'd taste rank. Although the water might rehydrate me and it might be ok?!

I should probably try to get out of here and my only route back to Luton would be the train tracks. I know for sure they lead back home because that's where my train would be heading but I risk heading back towards danger! My friends back home may not have messages me because they have already been eaten but I don't know the other way!
I don't have a torch either and a fox might get me and they might be a zombie fox or a rat might trip me up and then a zombie might get me....

I think I'm probably going to get Zombied.

Actually, wait, my train is here! Panic over!!

Getting lost in South Kensington

Thursday 10th September 2015 
5.00pm

Today I had a class trip to the V&A museum.
Most students didn't want to pay for the tube so opted for the bus as a cheaper option...however, myself and half the class preferred to walk which is free and according to Google maps would take the same amount of time as buses to the museum (45mins)!

This was not the case.

Leaving the college, we had a spring in our step- it was a beautiful day, we were out on a trip and had a lovely afternoon ahead of us!

Walking through Hyde Park, we were chatting away, enjoying our field trip and soaking up the Sun's beautiful vitamins. The scenery was breathtaking and the nature around us stunning.

We cheated Google maps and crossed grassed areas and cut through little roads- attempting to beat the clock and shorten out ETA.

By now, we had exceeded Google's estimated 45mins journey time and an hour and 5 minutes into our journey, it was announced by the polite lady guide on our map app that we had arrived at our destination.

No. We had not.

We were,in fact, not at the Victoria and Albert museum. We had successfully arrived at Victoria Road, South Kensington and were 18mins away from our requested destination!!

So after a quick 5 minute sit down on the posh kerbs of a South Kensington Street that was closely named to the Victoria and Albert museum, getting wary looks from the residents walking their dogs in their pristine shift dress and YSL handbags with louboutins on their feet, we finally marched on!

Getting lost wasn't all that bad... We discovered beautiful streets that magically transported us into Italy as locals pruned their limes trees and swept their front steps and met some wonderful people and their dogs along the way!

An hour and a half later, we finally arrived at the correct destination!! Of course the first stop was a cooling beverage whilst everyone dipped their toes in the water of the V&A's water feature!! 

Then it was down to business... Having a good look round the wonderful displays of the museum.

My favourite this time was the Tower of Babel which had some vintage binoculars available to view the top with...

Naturally, I want some! 

So the moral of this story? Just get the bus!!

Peace out, A town 

Unicorn Party Baby Shower for Jess!!!!

Sunday 6th September 2015 
6.30pm

Today was the day of the unicorn party for Jess's baby shower!

We've been looking forward to this afternoon for weeks now and have been planning and arranging all things unicorn!!

I had my mum knitting unicorn horns for everyone and Danielle had a rainbow cake made. There was doughnuts (unicorn poops) skittle cookies (unicorn hearts) and bubbly shloer (unicorn wee).....

There was lots of games - guess the bump size with a piece of string, a quiz and baby food tasting- which was totally rank! No wonder baby's spit it out again...it's so yucky! The first one we had was cauliflower cheese and I don't like cauliflower cheese I'm adult form- baby form was even worse!!!

I wish every day could be a unicorn party.
I wish I was actually a unicorn.

Peace out, A town

Keep Left!!

Saturday 5th September 2015
5.00pm

I like rules. Some rules I don't mind breaking, like no snacking before bedtime or no stopping on a yellow line (sometimes I just need to nip in the shop!) etc but some rules are real rules and rules for a reason!

For example: Please Keep Left

Sometimes I get my left and right mixed up but I have an easy way to check- I just put my hands up with my thumbs out and the hand that forms an L is my left!

This evening though,I got very frustrated with the tourists of London. They were all walking on the RIGHT!!!

Could they not read the signs??! Perhaps left and right is opposite in their hometown or maybe they haven't learnt my simple trick to work out left from right!?

I tutted a lot and stuck my ground walking on the left. I marched with purpose and determination to my destination!

I elbowed through the crowds of 'keep left' sign ignorers and proved my point. 

Well I don't think I proved any point because I was too British and didn't say anything to any of them but I kept left!!

Peace out, A town 

Bumping into Famous Faces

Friday 4th September 2015
6.15pm

You see a face in a crowd and they are heading towards you. This face is familiar to you and you know this person.

You just can't figure out where from or how...

You spend the next 75 seconds turning your memory storage space in your brain inside out as you scan through the filing cabinet of familiar faces.

School? Someone you know's mum? An old school friend thats now aged? A client you worked on? A sales assistant that's served you? A friend of a friend?

You can't think where you know them from or even what their actual name is but you 100% recognise their face and can even picture them in different clothes, In different places and with other people

Do you know why you don't know their name or how you know them?

They aren't your old school friend or client or friends mum or sales assistant or anyone you know on a personal basis because you only know them from watching TV or reading Magazines!! They are a famous face.

Ive just done exactly this at St Pancras tube station....and it's not the first time this year.

I'm running frantically through the rush hour of commuters when I spot a face in the crowd. My 75 seconds of frantic brain racking start.

I thought I'd cracked it- she was my hairdressing and wig making tutor from my college days!

That was until I got a little closer and she huffed at someone down the phone...Just like she does in Casualty when bossing people about on the ward!
This was not Nafeesa my college lecturer- this was Sunetra Sarker (plays Dr.Zoe Hanna)

So I quicker disguised waving hand into a hair adjustment manoeuvre and scurried on!

Peace out, A town